
Would you prefer I do "normal" movie reviews?
| No, do more like this... whatever "this is" | |
| Yes. Why can't you be more normal? | |
| Like I care. | |
| What does "normal" mean anyway? |
This review is, I hope, unlike any review you have ever read. In fact I hesitate to even call it a review and, hold on, yup just changed it from a "Scoop review of sorts" to "a writing experiment"
This is one of four articles I wrote out in long hand and am typing up today since I have access to a computer for free (hooray for college labs). The other three I'll type up when I get my computer back
This part I wrote before entering the cinema
Like many I saw movies on Thanksgiving. Unlike most I saw the movies alone (I dread going to the theater alone) and probably like nobody I decided to enter the movies with an odd writing agenda/assignment in mind, namely to compare two movies which had seemingly nothing in common beyond that I wanted to see both.
Why did I do this? Because I like to do things in unorthodox ways. I mean, why did I chronicle how long I could stay at a Chinese buffet before I got kicked out? Because I could. And because I figured writing about these two movies this way would be more interesting for both the reader and the writer.
If all goes right I will see two movies for the price of one which I know is legally wrong but morally - hey, for the prices they charge I think it's morally fine to see two for one. Besides, it's thanksgiving and I like to see this as a written thank you to my late dad , who used to take me to the cinema where the goal was to see as many movies as we could possibly fit in. It was not unusual for us to arrive at noonish and leave at 8pmish. The trick was to go to the bathroom or go get a snack in between movies so we wouldn't get caught. Or maybe they didn't want to cause a scene or decided we'd spend more on snacks so why kick us out? Either way, we felt like we were being bad in our own way.
Anyway, this piece is dedicated to you, dad.
Speaking of families, here's a good article idea for someone to write sometime: Why do so many families (mine included, more so when dad was alive) go to movies on the few days (Thanksgiving and Christmas especially) when they are completely together? Has it always been this way? My theory is that people go together to movies for the same reason people go to movies or go dancing on dates, namely it's a sure-fire way to avoid having to, you know, speak and run into something potentially problematic such as, for example, realizing you completely think the person you are speaking with is an idiot.
Bonus: It gives you something else to talk about that is safe provided the movie you see is not, for example, Milk (which, by the way, I can't wait to see) or something that might spark an argument or debate.
OK, so now... time to enter the movies
There were previews for that Frost/Nixon movie and it looks quite good. It reminded me of when I visited the Nixon library in Southern California in which instead of a room devoted to Watergate as there was for other important parts of his administration, the Watergate section was in a hallway so if you don't pay attention you will miss it. There was also a preview for Clint Eastwood's next movie, which looks pretty good.
There was also a preview for Tom Hanks doing another Dan Brown-adapted movie prompting the question: What the hell does Dan Brown have that he's blackmailing Tom Hanks with to get him to do these terrible movie adaptations of his books?
Then it was time for the actual movies.
So...
What Australia and Quantum have in common Both have actors (Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig) listed as sexiest men and both also have sexy actresses
Both are quite entertaining.
Neither should be taken too seriously. If one expects the director of Moulin Rouge (my second favorite musical after Hedwig and the Angry Inch) to be doing a Schindler's Listian type thing with Australia... well, even he admits it's more a tribute to movies like Gone With the Wind and the Wizard of Oz than a documentary film.
Both have lots of scenes of sand.
Both did well at the box office.
If the leading men in either movie smiled at all I missed it.
What are differences between the two movies?
I'll make you try to guess which is which
One has violence and action interrupted by plot and the other has plot interrupted by violence.
One made me almost cry and one made me feel winded just watching all of the athletics.
In one animals were killed - in the other humans were killed
One dealt with race issues in Australia while the other was co-written by Paul Haggis, perhaps best known for writing Crash, one of the best Oscar winning movies to deal with, yes, race issues.
One reminded me of my favorite paranoia-inducing scenes of Bourne Ultimatum(i.e. the tracking technology)
One had a theme song co-written by White Stripes signer for Jack White which, frankly, I found pretty weak.
Lastly (until I think of more) one had maybe at most 15 movies shown throughout the whole movie while the other had 15 just in the opening sequence alone.
Both had lots of sand? Get some sleep, you hooligan. Yeesh. Which of the two would you recommend seeing, presuming I only have the bones for one and I don't feel like playing sneaky feets?
Sigh. You are working too much. The absence of your steed (computer) has you down. Pressure. Pressure. You're going through the motions, my friend.
Okay. I wanted to be fun, to cause a stir, kick some butki. I'll just go to Bond. I don't even know what's behind #3.
Your dad, by the way, sounds like he was a hoot.
S'allright. I still want to have your baby.
My theory is that people go together to movies for the same reason people go to movies or go dancing on dates, namely it's a sure-fire way to avoid having to, you know, speak and run into something potentially problematic such as, for example, realizing you completely think the person you are speaking with is an idiot.
I have to respectfully disagree with you on this one. We always watch movies on Thanksgiving, as a family, While we EAT. I know, this is supposed to be a day when you eat "formally", but no way I could get the whole crowd in the same room with the table at the same time, no way they could sit in there.
We watch feel good, laugh out loud movies, something funny, family thing, we share laughter, which is a great thing to share with family. I think the movie watching did start back in the time I was a child, before cable, and The Wizard of Oz used to play every Thanksgiving it seemed. Some how this evolved into what we do today. This year, we actually got a stinker, and so mostly talked around the movie, instead of watched it. (Fred Claus).
Many of our Thankgiving stories are referenced by "the year we watched....."
Hey, you butki! I replied first!
What a big fat gip.
If all goes right I will see two movies for the price of one which I know is legally wrong but morally - hey, for the prices they charge I think it's morally fine to see two for one.
No, it's still stealing.
Rationalize it all you want; it's still stealing and morally indefensible.
I haven't seen Australia, yet, but I will say that I thought Solace sucked. It was the most disappointing Bond flick I've seen since the later ones Moore did (Moonraker, for e.g.).
The script was inchoherent and the camera work and editing was awful. The camera seemed as bored as I was with the film; it kept looking at things that had nothing whatsoever to do with anything in the film.
And the director, for some reason, placed the camera in weird positions. Usually that means something.. for example, peeking through foliage is a clear signal that someone else is observing the scene. Far as I could tell, in this case the director must have just thought it was "cool" or something.
And then there was the choppy editing that apparently tried to add energy to a lifeless hulk of a movie. Instead, it added considerable annoyance.
Finally, the fight scenes were terrible. Lots of quick cuts and closeup shots. Hell, it could have been Rogar Moore in those fight scenes for all anyone could tell. And that way of filming a fight scene would make Moore look good. Daniel Craig shouldn't need that kind of trickery.
Such a pity. Casino Royale was outstanding and Craig a good choice for the new Bond.
But Quantum of Solace.... ugh, yuck, blech.
And make no mistake... I'm not so much opposed to stealing as I am kidding oneself about it or trying to pretend it's okay. I think you know me well enough to know I'm in NO position to point fingers at chosing to veer off the straight and narrow. :-)
Also, by the way, don't know if you know this, but my understanding is that no movie theatre makes much off the ticket price... that goes back to pay for the film rental. Movie theatres make their entire nut off the snackbar.
Which explains those god-awful prices.
I suspect that when the movie theatre world goes digital, this could change, since (again what I understand is) the bulk of the cost is in the physical film distribution.
It also means you'll never see scratchy film or spliced film.
OTOH, until they improve the rez, it means that stars look like little square boxes....
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