My Life As a Pumpkin In the Newsvine Office (fiction) - Part 1 of 2

News Type: Other — Fri Oct 10, 2008 7:30 PM EDT

odd-news, sbutki-fiction, newsvine-fiction

Scott (Scoop) Butki

They have imprisoned some of my brethren in this glass cage. Free the pumpkins!

That's totally a fake smile. They can't fool me A pumpkin can tell. We call it pumpkin intuition - pumption for short.

It's bad enough that they have apparently imprisoned some of my breathen but

hey have even dyed some of them other colors. Oh the pumpanity!

Day 1 AD

Dear Diary:
This is the first day at my new home. I am not sure what to make of it.

I miss my family something awful.

Back at the old pumpkin patch life was good. We'd just sit around and chat about whether there would ever be a second coming from the Great Pumpkin and whether there was life AD (after delivery) and if it's true that some pumpkins are reincarnated as squash and such things.

I can't see anything. I think I am in something called a bag. I'm really glad we had classes at The Patch about life outside the patch so I can learn about things like bags, boxes, computers and such.

It's hard to write since it's so dark in here so I'm signing off.

Day 2 And then there was light! I forgot who said that first but it's so true. Today I was taken out of the bag and am sitting on the desk of someone named Tyler. He seems to be a nice guy. He sure gets a lot of emails, though.

He keeps saying things like "Man, if i ever get another email from Scoop I'm going to scream."

Earlier we listened to something they called the Vinecast. It brough back memories of life BD (Before Delivery) when we would hear music on car stereos driving by the patch. It sure is easier to make out the sounds when the provider of the music and sounds isn't moving.

For a moment I thought, "Wait until I tell that discovery to the Professor!"
Then I remembered that life is over for me. I began to tear up.

I think Tyler knew something was wrong but he wasn't sure what. I'd like to think he was drying my tears with a napkin but I think he was just cleaning up the water on his desk.

He kept mumbling something like "Does not compute" and looking at me. He looked at me the way dad used to look at mom after she said something sharp: Like he had something he wanted to say but knew it'd be wiser to keep his mouth shut. Plus he probably knew it'd look a bit weird if he was seen talking to a pumpkin. I mean, birds and bees is one thing but communication between people and pumpkins has been prohibited ever see the inter-species court decision of 1992. I mean, everyone knows that, right?

Day 3 Some guy named Calvin nearby was talking about seeds and I got really excited because I thought he was talking about pumpkin seeds. Maybe he's going to plant some of my kind and soon there will be baby pumpkins. Because I hate to admit this but it's kind of boring in here. They'd taught us in Pumpkin School to be ready for Great Tests amount humans where, unless you were part of a haunted house, you would often live alone, but man.

So imagine my dismay when I figured out he was talking about seeds on Newsvine - whatever that is! It is supposed to be doing something like making people get smarter but mostly it seems to be making people stare at computer screens a lot.

If staring at screens made people smarter then wouldn't people be getting smarter when watching tv instead of more dumb.... dumber... man, I miss my teacher - she would tell me the proper word there.

I'm feeling down so I will stop there.

Day 4 I am scared. I heard something today and I'm beginning to get worried. The guys - and I have determined everyone here is a guy - were saying some odd things to the young one named Tyler.

Tyler was telling them he is tired of having to make coffee runs and clean the bathrooms and other things.

Told it was because he was the new guy he asked them to hurry up and hire someone new.

"There is one more thing you must do as the new guy," said the one they called Mike.

Then he pointed at me and handed Tyler a knife.

Help!

To Be Continued....

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7.4

4.5

{"commentId":3425710,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

(This is my attempt at Newsvine fiction for an exercise I put up here)

What will happen next? Wil they have a pumpkin pinata? WIll Petey the Pumpkin Become Pumpkin Pie (say that ten times fast)

Good questions.

I will let you know some of those answers once I figure them out.

(As always apologies to all those mentioned in the story)

{"commentId":3425710,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

3 votes

#1 - Fri Oct 10, 2008 7:41 PM EDT

{"commentId":3425834,"authorDomain":"seward"}

Sandie Seward

I enjoyed that, Scott. Looking forward to Part Two.

{"commentId":3425834,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"seward"}

3 votes

#1.1 - Fri Oct 10, 2008 7:50 PM EDT

{"commentId":3426130,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

Thanks. Tomorrow I'll find and photograph some pumpkins. I'll wake up at 3 a.m. with ideas for part 2

{"commentId":3426130,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

2 votes

#1.2 - Fri Oct 10, 2008 8:07 PM EDT

{"commentId":3439115,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

Ok just took some photos which I'll put up after I put up a piece soliciting questions for an interview with lawrence lessig.

{"commentId":3439115,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

2 votes

#2 - Sat Oct 11, 2008 4:58 PM EDT

{"commentId":3442611,"authorDomain":"ladybug331"}

Ladybug331

Thanks Scott - that really made me laugh. Again I say - you must have a creativity gene or something. You have a gift for sure. I can't wait for part 2.

{"commentId":3442611,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"ladybug331"}

3 votes

#3 - Sat Oct 11, 2008 10:04 PM EDT

{"commentId":3443119,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

I have NO idea what i'm doing for part 2. I sort of dug myself into a hole.

{"commentId":3443119,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

2 votes

#3.1 - Sat Oct 11, 2008 10:45 PM EDT

{"commentId":3443427,"authorDomain":"ladybug331"}

Ladybug331

Maybe he escapes being carved only to end up as pumpkin bread? Or, you could wait until just after Halloween and say where his life goes from there...

{"commentId":3443427,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"ladybug331"}

1 vote

#4 - Sat Oct 11, 2008 11:07 PM EDT

{"commentId":3443622,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

i'm hoping tyler will stop by, post a photo of a pumpkin in their office and then we'll beg him to spare the pumpkin and make him/it our mascot or pet or something

{"commentId":3443622,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

3 votes

#4.1 - Sat Oct 11, 2008 11:21 PM EDT

{"commentId":3445791,"authorDomain":"tyler"}

tyler

Hahahaha, this was awesome. I'll see what I can do. I love the concept of 'pumption'.

{"commentId":3445791,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"tyler"}

3 votes

#4.2 - Sun Oct 12, 2008 4:39 AM EDT

{"commentId":3446603,"authorDomain":"seward"}

Sandie Seward

? Is there a life for a Pumpkin after Halloween?

{"commentId":3446603,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"seward"}

2 votes

#4.3 - Sun Oct 12, 2008 9:11 AM EDT

{"commentId":3446921,"authorDomain":"ladybug331"}

Ladybug331

Well Sandie...there could be briefly I suppose. I was alluding to the fact that maybe he would be turned into something - something good to eat. Or he could be thrown in the garbage and make his way to the dump where something else ate him.

A brief but tragic life these pumpkins have.

{"commentId":3446921,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"ladybug331"}

2 votes

#4.4 - Sun Oct 12, 2008 10:00 AM EDT

{"commentId":3452657,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

Tyler, some have gumption, others have intuition but pumpkins - they have pumption.

Glad you took this in the light-hearted tone in which it was intended. I think one reason i stopped doing newsvine fiction (with newsvine personalities) for a while because post-msnbc purchase I didn't want to further inflame things.

{"commentId":3452657,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

2 votes

#4.5 - Sun Oct 12, 2008 8:04 PM EDT

{"commentId":3491424,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

I've also been having this idea for a tv series where someone pranks another and at the end of each episode someone gets splattered with pumpkin guts.

The show would, of course, be called pumpk'd

{"commentId":3491424,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

2 votes

#4.6 - Wed Oct 15, 2008 10:12 AM EDT

{"commentId":3550012,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

It is time to take our pumpkin stories to a whole new level... that's right I'm talking about pumpkin porn.

{"commentId":3550012,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

2 votes

#4.7 - Fri Oct 17, 2008 12:14 PM EDT

{"commentId":3490331,"authorDomain":"pjwrites"}

pjwrites

but communication between people and pumpkins has been prohibited ever see the inter-species court decision of 1992.

How sad. We could learn so much from each other.

;-)

{"commentId":3490331,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"pjwrites"}

3 votes

#5 - Wed Oct 15, 2008 9:04 AM EDT

{"commentId":3491176,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

I considered adding a clever name to that sentence, i.e. court case pumpkin vs people, but I drew a blank.

Oh I just had another crazy idea along the lines of communication between people and pumpkins - one of those x-file posters of "i want to believe" but with a photo of a pumpkin instead of a UFO.

{"commentId":3491176,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

4 votes

#5.1 - Wed Oct 15, 2008 9:58 AM EDT

{"commentId":3502468,"authorDomain":"ladybug331"}

Ladybug331

Are you an X-files fan Scott. That poster would be a hoot.

{"commentId":3502468,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"ladybug331"}

3 votes

#5.2 - Wed Oct 15, 2008 8:20 PM EDT

{"commentId":3502648,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

I was (though I went out of my way to avoid the movie because I heard how awful it was)

I'd love for someone good at photoshop to make a poster like that.

OK, I am adding tonite new halloween photos to my three halloween articles. Everywhere I go I keep encountering pumpkins. Now this is somewhat understandable given that it is, after all, the month of Halloween. That said I had not expected to see pumpkin pancakes advertised and available at IHOP or pumpkin space at Starbucks.

More photos coming in an hour or two. Yes, that means I'll be photoshopping hallowen photos during the debate which somehow seems oddly appropriate especially when you factor in the Daily Show's video last nite connecting McCain and Frankenstein.

Not photographed is a sign I saw. You know how some church groups consider Halloween satanic or something but still want to participate in halloween activities. Today at a church thrift shop I saw these words: "Falloween costume contest." As in let's mix the words Fall and Halloween together and, really, does anyone think that's any better? Oy.

{"commentId":3502648,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

2 votes

#5.3 - Wed Oct 15, 2008 8:33 PM EDT

{"commentId":3502662,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) ButkiDeleted

{"commentId":3537713,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

For too long I and others at Newsvine (and I will out you if you do not speak up yourself) have spoken of politics and pumpkins as if they were separate issues. They are not, of course, as I have explained... to the world! Witness and share your thoughts

{"commentId":3537713,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

1 vote

#6 - Thu Oct 16, 2008 5:10 PM EDT

{"commentId":3554911,"authorDomain":"bamajourneymaker"}

Dottie-515685

Talk about a pumpkin hanger, can't wait for the next episode! Thanks.

{"commentId":3554911,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"bamajourneymaker"}

2 votes

#7 - Fri Oct 17, 2008 5:26 PM EDT

{"commentId":3554957,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

Glad you liked it. I'm not sure what i'm going to do for part 2. Meanwhile i've been experimenting with pumpkin porn.

{"commentId":3554957,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

1 vote

#7.1 - Fri Oct 17, 2008 5:31 PM EDT

{"commentId":3559727,"authorDomain":"monicad"}

Monica D.

oh Scott, the pressure's on now. It sounds like a tragedy in the making.

{"commentId":3559727,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"monicad"}

1 vote

#8 - Sat Oct 18, 2008 1:49 AM EDT

{"commentId":3562133,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

Can someone who knows how to merge together two photos email me? I have the photos needed to make a cool photo re; pumpkins but not the know how on how to pull that off.

{"commentId":3562133,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

3 votes

#9 - Sat Oct 18, 2008 11:30 AM EDT

{"commentId":3562752,"authorDomain":"monicad"}

Monica D.

Is it pumpkin porn - sounds exploitative to me!

{"commentId":3562752,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"monicad"}

3 votes

#9.1 - Sat Oct 18, 2008 12:22 PM EDT

{"commentId":3565898,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

Is it pumpkin porn - sounds exploitative to me!

no it's for this question/idea:

Oh I just had another crazy idea along the lines of communication between people and pumpkins - one of those x-file posters of "i want to believe" but with a photo of a pumpkin instead of a UFO

{"commentId":3565898,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

2 votes

#9.2 - Sat Oct 18, 2008 4:35 PM EDT

{"commentId":3598867,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

This just in - McCain has put out a smear of a negative ad on the pumpkin issue. Stay tuned for your pumpkin news

We will report the news as soon as we digest it (perhaps with just a dollop of whipped cream

Meanwhile,pumpkin political pundits pontificated, preened, partied, pressured (by) pompous pretty peers, partied, panted, passed.

"Peculiar!" said the head of the pumpkin csi team, who then removed his sunglasses, and wiped a spot of pumpkin off his cheek.

{"commentId":3598867,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

4 votes

#10 - Mon Oct 20, 2008 8:50 PM EDT

{"commentId":3623950,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

The next perspective piece is now up: ghosts! Wonder if they have ghosts in the newsvine office.

{"commentId":3623950,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

2 votes

#11 - Wed Oct 22, 2008 7:59 AM EDT

{"commentId":3717715,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

New photos added

{"commentId":3717715,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

2 votes

#12 - Mon Oct 27, 2008 12:47 PM EDT

{"commentId":5052622,"authorDomain":"fembird3"}

Sue-715551

lol; love it'

{"commentId":5052622,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"fembird3"}

2 votes

#13 - Wed Jan 28, 2009 10:40 PM EST

{"commentId":5079804,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

Thanks. Some were worried i got a bit obsessive compulsive but i've moved past it.

{"commentId":5079804,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

2 votes

#13.1 - Fri Jan 30, 2009 10:18 AM EST

{"commentId":5087797,"authorDomain":"fembird3"}

Sue-715551

lol

{"commentId":5087797,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"fembird3"}

2 votes

#13.2 - Fri Jan 30, 2009 4:38 PM EST

{"commentId":5091252,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

I think the low point was wondering if a hotel i was at had any pumpkin porn (they didnt but they had stuff that was even weirder... or looked.. i didnt actually watch)

{"commentId":5091252,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

1 vote

#13.3 - Fri Jan 30, 2009 7:12 PM EST

{"commentId":9446555,"authorDomain":"anomalies"}

anonymous-1077600

Cute Pumpkin porn, what an idea.

{"commentId":9446555,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"anomalies"}

1 vote

#14 - Sun Sep 13, 2009 4:09 AM EDT

{"commentId":9448621,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Scott (Scoop) Butki

i was a bit loopy that month.

havent' decided if i'm going to do more pumpkin fiction this year
(though no pumpkin porn this time - might look back now that i'm working 15 hours at a church, abeit a Unitarian Universalist one.)

You guys ready for me to start posting new monthly writing exercises?

{"commentId":9448621,"threadId":"385175","contentId":"1982938","authorDomain":"sbutki"}

#14.1 - Sun Sep 13, 2009 10:38 AM EDT

{"canLink":false,"threadId":"385175","isPrivate":false}

SCOTT (SCOOP) BUTKI

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My Life As a Pumpkin In the Newsvine Office (fiction) - Part 1 of 2

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