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A cynical idealist; To Read Me Is to Know Me (Mostly)
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Being Scoop's Computer: A Fiction/Memoir/Concept Piece

News Type: Other — Tue Jun 17, 2008 1:21 PM EDT
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Here he comes, that blockhead who calls himself Scoop. Speaking of blockheads you know that character of Charlie Brown and how he keeps trying to get that football and Lucy keeps moving it away and so Charlie keeps falling on his butt? I am like Lucy and Scoop is like Charlie Brown. Just when he thinks I'm going to start working right – or at least not have anything else go wrong – I disappoint him yet again.

First it was the cd-drive. I stopped that working months ago so now if he wants to burn music or load a game he has to do that on someone else's computer.

Last month it was the mouse. How would you like if it someone started sticking rodents into you without even a little foreplay? So I only let the mouse work about 50 percent of the time.

Then last week after that whole cell phone snafu – I still don't buy the whole "oh I accidently left the cell phone behind" story – I stepped things up a notch.

So for the last few days I've not let Scoop – as he calls himself - onto the Internet. Yesterday – according to my colleagues (nephews, actually) at a local computer lab – he actually called his cable company. As if he and the cable company think they can outwit me? Don't make me LOL.

What's that? You're surprised I know Peanuts? What? You think us computers are limited to Dilbert and web-based comics? That is so insulting. No, we computers have a much wider cultural understanding than most people think – we have weekly book discussion groups, not to mention our meditation classes where we try to be one with our system software and chant "moooooooooooooooozilla".

You want to know what Scoop is really like? He is even more of a klutz than he has confessed. He doesn't know it but I've taken screenshots of him and plan to blackmail him one day.

Wait, what's that? Ooh, that tickles? Heh. (Computer switches colors – as the monitor blushes) Oh, yeah, I like that.
What's going on? I'm not old enough for hot flashes. Oh, this must be the cable repairguy. Hey, he's going to.. Hey, buddy, no, don't touch that… No, grab the blue wire instead. No…………………..

Ok, good. I'm back. The cable guy retreated. He says he's going to send someone Thursday to give me/Scoop a new modem. We'll just see about that

This is Scott's computer signing off

P.S. Don't believe this hype.

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37
4.7
{"commentId":1986624,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
Scott (Scoop) Butki

This is my entry - plus self-therapy - into my latest writing exercise as detailed here.

{"commentId":1986624,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
  • 2 votes
Reply#1 - Tue Jun 17, 2008 1:23 PM EDT
{"commentId":1986973,"authorDomain":"amazingsdj"}
AmazingSDJ
Don't make me LOL.

Nice one. It made me LOL.

Maybe you need to build some digital bridges between yourself and your machines. Next thing you know, they unionize against you.

{"commentId":1986973,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"amazingsdj"}
  • 2 votes
Reply#2 - Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:05 PM EDT
{"commentId":1987046,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
Scott (Scoop) Butki

I was startled the other day to hear someone actually say the words "lol" out loud. I hadn't realized people were verbalizing their text shorthands. If people start saying "ty" instead of 'thank you" then I'll scream. Which brings up a pet peeve - "n" instead of "no." I mean it's just one letter - how much time did you really save by not typing that "o"

{"commentId":1987046,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
  • 2 votes
#2.1 - Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:14 PM EDT
{"commentId":1987098,"authorDomain":"amazingsdj"}
AmazingSDJ

We have a teenager in our family that occasionally breaks out an "OMG!" That's enough to drive me crazy! Just using N for no, is pure, unadulterated laziness.

btw,

"lol" out loud

= lolol

{"commentId":1987098,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"amazingsdj"}
  • 4 votes
#2.2 - Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:21 PM EDT
{"commentId":1987172,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
Scott (Scoop) Butki

u r right

:)

When student teaching I was starting to see that some educators fears were realized as some students writings were being affected, i.e. an assignment might include "u" instead of "you" and "fyi" instead of "for your information"

{"commentId":1987172,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
  • 4 votes
#2.3 - Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:32 PM EDT
{"commentId":1987918,"authorDomain":"amazingsdj"}
AmazingSDJ

Well then, abbreviated writing should earn an abbreviated grade.

{"commentId":1987918,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"amazingsdj"}
  • 3 votes
#2.4 - Tue Jun 17, 2008 4:26 PM EDT
{"commentId":1993060,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
Scott (Scoop) Butki

Maybe an abbreviated comment like "C u in det.?"

{"commentId":1993060,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
  • 3 votes
#2.5 - Wed Jun 18, 2008 9:05 AM EDT
Reply
{"commentId":1987235,"authorDomain":"SandyFrost"}
Sandy Frost

OMFG!
Your computer taking screen shots to blackmail you?
Hillariousity.
Thanks for making me laugh.
Sandy

{"commentId":1987235,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"SandyFrost"}
  • 2 votes
Reply#3 - Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:40 PM EDT
{"commentId":1993069,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
Scott (Scoop) Butki

I'm scared at what photos it may have grabbed.

Glad you liked it, Sandy.

{"commentId":1993069,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
  • 2 votes
#3.1 - Wed Jun 18, 2008 9:06 AM EDT
Reply
{"commentId":1993580,"authorDomain":"EPH289"}
EPH289

Did you take your computer out of a dumpster?

I threw one there who acted like this.

{"commentId":1993580,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"EPH289"}
  • 4 votes
Reply#4 - Wed Jun 18, 2008 10:22 AM EDT
{"commentId":1993714,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
Scott (Scoop) Butki

No, but I did buy it used. And now that you mention it there was some good foreshadowing that it was going to be a weird relationship from the start. Shall I elaborate?

{"commentId":1993714,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
  • 3 votes
#4.1 - Wed Jun 18, 2008 10:40 AM EDT
{"commentId":1993932,"authorDomain":"amazingsdj"}
AmazingSDJ
it was going to be a weird relationship from the start. Shall I elaborate?

Yes, I think you should.

{"commentId":1993932,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"amazingsdj"}
  • 3 votes
#4.2 - Wed Jun 18, 2008 11:09 AM EDT
{"commentId":1994012,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
Scott (Scoop) Butki

Long story short when the laptop arrived it contained a cd-rom.

The cd-rom was porn.

Now that could mean 3 things:
1) this woman was testing me (would I mention this? How honest was I?)
2) This woman lusted after me
3) She didn't know it was there.

Being the paranoid type I assumed it was 1 and asked about it. She said the last person who had her computer before she sent it was her boyfriend - who quickly became her ex-boyfriend due to this incident - and she was not pleased by this news. Nor was he probably.

I threw away the cd-rom but it was too late - the computer was no longer a virgin.

{"commentId":1994012,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
  • 3 votes
#4.3 - Wed Jun 18, 2008 11:19 AM EDT
{"commentId":2002015,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
Scott (Scoop) Butki

Left you speechless?

{"commentId":2002015,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
  • 2 votes
#4.4 - Thu Jun 19, 2008 10:11 AM EDT
{"commentId":2002216,"authorDomain":"amazingsdj"}
AmazingSDJ

Temporarily, yes.

Guys are so hung up on virginity.

{"commentId":2002216,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"amazingsdj"}
  • 3 votes
#4.5 - Thu Jun 19, 2008 10:33 AM EDT
{"commentId":2003563,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
Scott (Scoop) Butki

Temporarily, yes.

Guys are so hung up on virginity.

Women aren't?

{"commentId":2003563,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
  • 1 vote
#4.6 - Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:02 PM EDT
{"commentId":2003860,"authorDomain":"amazingsdj"}
AmazingSDJ

Just in a different way. Women are about saving it for the right time. Some men are hung up on losing their own while finding a girl with hers intact.

{"commentId":2003860,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"amazingsdj"}
  • 2 votes
#4.7 - Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:37 PM EDT
Reply
{"commentId":2009728,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
Scott (Scoop) Butki

The computer won the latest battle, sort of:

just sent this to my cable provider:
I'd like to request service and file a complaint of sorts.
I emailed you guys on Monday because my cable modem had not worked for at least 3 days. On Tuesday I spent about an hour on the phone with one of your technicians who was essentially checking to see if maybe the problem could be fixed without a service visit. He concluded that I was right, there was something wrong with the cable modem and a service person would need to come out. I made it quite clear several times that I'm only able to be at home for service between 9 a.m. and 2 pm each day because I'm at work for the other hours.
The earliest I could expect service was Thursday, he said. A two day week seemed a long time – I have a part-time job online and its hard to do that if I can't be, well, online So when does someone call and ask if I can be at my house? At 5 pm Thursday. When I told them I could not do that, that I was only there in the morning and afternoons, the person calling said I had to call again for service Friday morning. That could mean waiting another 2 or 3 days and that's not acceptable – that'll be one full week without internet access

I tried to call the person back to object that I didn't want to be put back in the service line but it said I could not call that number (

{"commentId":2009728,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
  • 3 votes
Reply#5 - Fri Jun 20, 2008 8:41 AM EDT
{"commentId":2010254,"authorDomain":"amazingsdj"}
AmazingSDJ
but it said I could not call that number (

Maybe your phone is messing with you? payback for losing it.

{"commentId":2010254,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"amazingsdj"}
  • 3 votes
#5.1 - Fri Jun 20, 2008 10:09 AM EDT
{"commentId":2011310,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
Scott (Scoop) Butki

Argh! Maybe.

I got a call from the technician who talked to me on Tuesday, apologizing, saying he even put on the service order that I was only available during 9 to 3 but they should have rescheduled me instead of, as is now the case, Monday being the earliest I'll be seen.

That means no free net access on Sunday (I've been using a college computer lab on weekdays even though I don't actually this school this semester or year)

{"commentId":2011310,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
  • 2 votes
#5.2 - Fri Jun 20, 2008 12:09 PM EDT
Reply
{"commentId":2122491,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
Scott (Scoop) ButkiDeleted
{"commentId":2122510,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
Scott (Scoop) ButkiDeleted
{"commentId":2122541,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
Scott (Scoop) Butki

I am having major computer problems. Think I am going to buy a new laptop this weekend. I have two articles on the backburner (the next Newsviner's Picks – I'm frustrated I've not done one since this one and a list of movies I've seen so far this year via the Newsvine movie challenge (yesterday, while at work, I ended up seeing all four Jaws movies. Oy. One of those contained what Roger Ebert, when I interviewed him, called the worst plot hole he'd ever seen:

Scott: What are the funniest, most glaring continuity lapses you can recall? Roger: In Jaws III (or IV?), Michael Caine swam to a yacht and climbed on board completely dry.

(it was Jaws IV I can now say with authority)

It was one thing to make fun of my computer being Unitarian when the disk drive and mouse stopped working but now the battery does not work and the a/c adapter is spotty. It's gone from funny and/or quirky to downright psycho-inducing.

Oh and we figured out the reason the cable modem wasn't working – the Ethernet cable port is damaged. The good news: I got an USB modem driver working – had to download and install the driver via my flash drive which was a PITA – the bad news is that's pretty meaningless without power.
Right now the only way I can use this computer is to hold the ac plug in at a certain angle – long story short I have to type with one hand (and no, that is not as dirty as it sounds) I am posting right now from fed ex/kinkos. I've spent more at fed ex kinkos in the last week than I made the last few months. Whether that means I'm comitted to this site or need to be commited remains to be seen.

{"commentId":2122541,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
    Reply#8 - Sat Jul 5, 2008 11:16 AM EDT
    {"commentId":2122549,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
    Scott (Scoop) Butki

    I think the computer is fighting mad - I call it perspective envy or computer envy - and thus making it hard for me to do links properly.

    {"commentId":2122549,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
    • 1 vote
    Reply#9 - Sat Jul 5, 2008 11:19 AM EDT
    {"commentId":2125856,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
    Scott (Scoop) Butki

    Bought a new computer. I pick it up tomorrow. I'll let it introduce itself in a few weeks.

    wrote this to raat
    Hardest part was choosing a model but then I saw one word and a decision was easy. Can you guess the word mentioned? Starts with an M and ends with tasking. Also remember how you've asked where I get my energy and I've cited its all due to chocolate and green tea? You can guess then why this seed pleased me so.

    {"commentId":2125856,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
      Reply#10 - Sun Jul 6, 2008 12:26 AM EDT
      {"commentId":2129376,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
      Scott (Scoop) Butki

      Spoke to soon. I'm too excited not to write about my new toy.

      {"commentId":2129376,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
        #10.1 - Sun Jul 6, 2008 5:58 PM EDT
        Reply
        {"commentId":2180376,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
        Scott (Scoop) ButkiRestored

        Ready for the irony? A month ago I couldn't get my cable modem working and I didn't have wifi configured so I kept having to go to Kinkos and the library for net access.

        Then I got the modem fixed right before I gave up on the computer

        Now with the new computer I have wifi and I can get net access almost everywhere I go (except the places I worked at Friday and Saturday) but i can't get my computer to communicate with the new modem.

        Thus I've gone from only have net access at home to having access everywhere but home and thus tonite I'm planning my day

        {"commentId":2180376,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
          Reply#11 - Sun Jul 13, 2008 5:25 PM EDT
          {"commentId":2252122,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
          Scott (Scoop) Butki

          FWIW I just cancelled my cable modem. It doesn't make sense to me to have a cable modem when a) I'm only home one or two days a week and only sleep at home one or two days a week and b)with wifi and my new computer I can get enough computer internet time away from home anyway.

          {"commentId":2252122,"threadId":"291588","contentId":"1584130","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
            #11.1 - Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:45 AM EDT
            Reply
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