Note: I don't actually have children - though I keep the child in me quite alive - but if I did have a girl I bet she would be a lot like this

We had been in the car for two hours which, in kids time, is about two months, and Angela was clearly getting restless. I suggested we sing some songs. She knew a lot of songs but while she was 5 there were still many she did not know yet. I had not yet introduced her to the works of some of my favorite bands for fear that she... well, I was afraid she might not like it. And if I had to choose between my daughter and my Beatles and Arcade Fire and Alison Krauss cds... But I digress.

"How about we sing "Old MacDonald Had a Farm"?

"But daddy you don't like McDonalds, remember?" She had a better memory than her old man. "Remember you told me you read that book and saw that movie and refused to let me eat there and I cried for two weeks but you said 'I would undertand later."

"No, not McDonalds but Old MacDonald Had A Farm."

She looked at me blankly.

"Ok, I'll sing it.

Old MacDonald had a farm, E I E I O
And on that farm he had some chicks, E I E I O
With a chick chick here and a chick chick there
Here a chick chick there a chick chick , everywhere a chick chick
Old MacDonald had a farm, E I E I O

"Daddy, first of you, you shouldn't sing. It's bad for my ears and you should save your voice." She makes the best back-handed compliments. "And second, I remember that song now."

So we sang about the chicks and the cows and the dogs and the cats. But we still had two more hours to go.

"Daddy, I have an idea," she said. "Why don't we sing about that Web site you are always on, the one you're always talking about."

I pretended not to know what she means.

And this is what she sang.....

Old MacDonald Had a farm, E I E I O

And on that farm he had some Newsviners, E I EI O

With a click click here and a click click there

Here a click there a click everywhere a click click

Old MacDonald had a farm E I E I O

I applauded long and hard.

Then she sang:

Old MacDonald Had a farm, E I E I O

And on that farm he had some huggers, E I E I O

With a ((hugs)) here and a (hugs) there

Here a (hugs) there a (hugs) everywhere a (hugs)

Old MacDonald had a farm E I E I O

I smiled after she sang that one and gave her a hug so she can remember what the real thing felt like.

Then she surprised me with this one:

Old MacDonald had a farm, EIEIO

On this farm we had a Cash EIEIO

With a sex seed here and a sex seed there

Here a sex seed there a sex seed everywhere a sex seed

Old MacDonald had a farm E I E I O

I was shocked. "Do you know what a sex seed is?" I asked her. "No," she said, "but you're always saying that some guy named Cash did a 'sex seed' before you did." I let out my breath.

"Who else do I talk about?" I asked.

Old MacDonald had a farm, EIEIO

On this farm we had Eric Albert, EIEIO

With a "class whore!" here and a "class whore!" there

Here a "class whore!" there a "class whore!" everywhere a "class whore"

Old MacDonald had a farm E I E I O

She stopped. "What's a class whore?"
"Nobody knows for sure," I told her.
"I know one thing though," I said. "I know who likes getting tickled."

"Daddy! Let me sing some more…."

Old MacDonald Had a farm, E I E I O

And on that farm he had some music writers, E I EI O

With a "What's the big deal with Ani here and a "What's the big deal with Bob Dylan" there

Here an "Ani" there a "Bob Dylan" everywhere a "What's the big deal"

Old MacDonald had a farm E I E I O

Then she started another:

Old MacDonald Had a farm, E I E I O

And on that farm he had Pamela Drew, E I EI O

With a "GMO" here and a "GMO" there

Here a 'GMO" there a GMO everywhere a GMO

Old MacDonald had a farm E I E I O

Daddy, "What's a GMO?" And I explained, the best that I can, what it was and gave myself a mental high five for making the trip both fun AND educational.

I asked, "What else do you know about Daddy's Web site?"

She sang:

Old MacDonald had a farm E I E I O

And on this farm he had a greenhouse E I E I O

With a "COH violation" here and a "COH violation" there "

Here a COH violation, there a COH violation, everywhere a COH violation

Old MacDonald had a farm, E I E I O

She said that verse was dedicated to Vikki and Lauhal.

She sang about 12 other verses and you don't need to hear them all right now - one about Killfile, and one about Mel, one about Dr. Know and one about me (I definitely don't want to share that one.) Maybe some other time. By then we were pulling up to our house and so I suggested she do one last verse.

Old MacDonald had a farm E I E I O

And on this farm he had a Calvin Tang E I E I O

With a "I'm telling Calvin!" and a "I just emailed Calvin" there

Here a "I'm telling Calvin," there a "I'm telling Calvin," everywhere an "I'm telling Calvin.

Old MacDonald had a farm, E I E I O

"Daddy, is Calvin like a principal?"
"What do you mean," I asked, as we got out of the van.
"It reminds me of school - when someone does something bad someone says "I'm tellin'. Is it like that with Calvin?"
"Sort of except Calvin is a nicer guy than most principals. And he has more principles than the average principal."
She looked confused and I started to clarify when she said, "Are you being silly again, daddy?"
I confessed I was and we went inside to figure out plans for dinner.

The End