This started out as a response to an article or seed about how to ruin a job interview. Then a typical Butkiesque tragedy took place and I lost a response to that and 20 other articles.
After mourning the loss of those brilliant, eloquent, witty responses I decided to take what I remembered I wrote and start again. This then is the result
There are a lot of books telling you what you should do or say during a job interview. This is the opposite, what I consider an untapped market – a list of things you should say or do at your peril.
If anyone wants to volunteer to test my hypothesis than one or all of these can deter you getting hired feel free. Just don't blame me.
1)Ask, "Hey, you don't do any follow-up drug testing do you?"
2)Point to a photo of the employer's daughter and/or son and/or spouse and announce that person is "hot" and ask about having a date set up. Perhaps say, "I'd tap that."
3) Asked why they should hire you, respond, "You shouldn't. You'd rue the day if you did." Perhaps cackle too.
4) Ask if they have condom machines in the company bathrooms and act outraged when - I assume - told they do not. Exception: If you are applying for a job at a place where that question would not be considered odd then ask instead if they mind if you blow the condoms into balloon animals and give them away to friends.
5) Ask if they have a policy about looking at porn while at work. Follow up by reminding them of the famous Supreme Court opinion that it is difficult to define porn and note that what the potential boss may consider porn and what the potential employee considers porn may differ.
6) Focus all of your questions on what happens if your potential employer were to, say, suddenly die.
7) When asked why you left the previous job explain that your prior boss was imaginary.
8) Ask how the boss feels about employees sleeping their way to the top.
9) Ask if the boss got to the top by sleeping his way there.
10) Say, "It must be hard going their whole life looking like that." When asked what you mean, apologize for bringing it up.
11. Ask, "Can I have my own personal toilet in my cubicle? Does the company provide
free toilet paper?"
12. Tell them you refuse to work for "the man" but refuse to elaborate on who or what The Man is.
13. Cough a few times and ask how they feel about medical marijuana.
14. Ask if it's ok to come naked on "casual day."
15. Ask when the earliest is you can request a raise.