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A cynical idealist; To Read Me Is to Know Me (Mostly)
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Member Since: 2/2007Last Seen: 11/07/2009

Fiction: A Sad Valentine's Day

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He looked again at the envelope.

It had not changed since he last looked at it, which was about one minute before.

It still had that Mickey Mouse stamp, was dated Feb. 15 and contained no return address.

He still could not believe she did it.

I mean, he knew there were guys - cheap bastards - who would break up with someone to avoid buying presents for them on Christmas and/or Valentine's Day.

But he never thought it would happen to him.

I mean, he was a real keeper. He looked at himself in the mirror - those cheekbones were to die for, he thought. Who would not want him as a boyfriend?

He was good at what he did. Ok, so maybe he smelled bad after a day working at the wastewater plant but was that his fault? Was that really a good reason to give up their relationship?

He pressed play on the voice mail again: "Jack, this is Jill. It's over. I can't stand this anymore. This relationship... Well, it stinks. Literally."

He had called her hourly all day but she would not pick up.

Then he received this envelope. Maybe it was her apology. He had already decided he would forgive her and take her back.

He would still give her the room deodorizer, his Valentine's Day present, if she took him back. He figured that would solve the problem.

Sure, he could shower before he came home, like she had asked. But he preferred showering in the privacy of his own home.

Could the stink from his job really have caused the breakup?

He took a deep breath and opened the envelope.

His eyebrows went up when he saw that the handwriting on the letters was his.

He looked at another page and that too was a letter he had written her.

Then he saw it - a post-it note.

"Jack, I can't take it anymore. I thought moving out would end the problem. But everywhere I turn I smell you. These letters you wrote to me while rowing in the boat at the sewage bond... Well, I know your intent was good. But god do they stink. I just can't have them in my house. So here, you can have them back."

He read it twice.

He started reading it a third time then stopped and picked up the phone. He dialed a number he knew by heart.

"Hey, boss? You remember that promotion you offered it? The one I turned down because it would mean working in an office? Is it still open? Can we talk about it tomorrow? Ok, thanks."

He started to hang up then realized his boss was still talking.

"What? Oh, yeah, she is right here. Ok, I'll give her your love. Bye now."

God I hope this works, he thought to himself.

He began gathering his work clothes together.

A little bonfire, a little job change, and maybe he could get her back.

Maybe.

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{"commentId":608163,"authorDomain":"nck"}

Whoa! Very, very good!

Is this a mini-series ... is there a sequel? I need to know what happens next.

{"commentId":608163,"threadId":"88314","contentId":"633479","authorDomain":"nck"}
  • 2 votes
Reply#1 - Mon Mar 26, 2007 6:57 PM EDT
{"commentId":608169,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

Thanks. I just posted two others. These are the kind of pieces I read aloud at a poetry/fiction open mic nite that I go to.

No sequel has been written or planned.
Too bad Newsvine doesn't have scratch-and-sniffs or else I can add a little something.

Or maybe I just say,

{"commentId":608169,"threadId":"88314","contentId":"633479","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
  • 2 votes
Reply#2 - Mon Mar 26, 2007 7:00 PM EDT
{"commentId":608267,"authorDomain":"nck"}

Or maybe I just say,

that daddy's little girl thought very hard. After contemplating her delima, she decided to give the big hunk one more chance.

So what if he used to stink? So what if he just wanted to paddle around in that stupid little boat in that stupid, stinky sewer? So what if he was dumber than dirt?

Yes, daddy finally gave my sweetie his big break. He saddled up to the bar and burned those stinky, raggedy clothes. My hero! He did this all for me!

Oh, true love ... at last.

Or so I thought until,

{"commentId":608267,"threadId":"88314","contentId":"633479","authorDomain":"nck"}
  • 2 votes
#2.1 - Mon Mar 26, 2007 7:54 PM EDT
{"commentId":610397,"authorDomain":"nck"}

Check this out. Noah's User Created Fictional Newsvine Epic.

Maybe you could hop in and play.

{"commentId":610397,"threadId":"88314","contentId":"633479","authorDomain":"nck"}
  • 2 votes
#2.2 - Tue Mar 27, 2007 9:29 PM EDT
Reply
{"commentId":608473,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

until... until...?

There's a town I used to cover near here. It's sanitation system, until recently, actually involved a pond of foul sewage and a town employee would float around on a boat breaking up the, um, masses.

The newspaper would sometimes do a story on the worst jobs in the county and that one made it
more than once.

So I guess I should dedicate the story to that poor guy.
He was a guy who used so much tobacco, for so long, that he had a puffy cheek even when it was
tobacco-less. Nobody - well, nobody I knew- could understand what he was saying most of the time. But
just for not killing himself over his job he had my respect.

{"commentId":608473,"threadId":"88314","contentId":"633479","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
  • 2 votes
Reply#3 - Mon Mar 26, 2007 10:19 PM EDT
{"commentId":608491,"authorDomain":"nck"}

I left it open for you (or someone) to continue ... just to see where it might go. I just followed your lead from the last sentence in your prior comment -- Or maybe I just say, :)

So, this short story was based on true life events? Poor guy! We never really sit back and think about how some of these dreadful jobs get done. They just do.

Could they not understand him because of the giant wad of tobacco he was chewing? I honestly have a visual of a big ole boy named Bubba.

{"commentId":608491,"threadId":"88314","contentId":"633479","authorDomain":"nck"}
  • 2 votes
#3.1 - Mon Mar 26, 2007 10:31 PM EDT
Reply
{"commentId":608536,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

I think his name was Junior, not Bubba. Really.

I don't know what you mean about
my sentences

{"commentId":608536,"threadId":"88314","contentId":"633479","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
  • 2 votes
Reply#4 - Mon Mar 26, 2007 11:09 PM EDT
{"commentId":608542,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

stopping mid post.

Kidding.

I think I was going to say, "Or maybe I should just say, "Insert smell of 10
skunks having an orgy."

{"commentId":608542,"threadId":"88314","contentId":"633479","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
  • 2 votes
Reply#5 - Mon Mar 26, 2007 11:11 PM EDT
{"commentId":609030,"authorDomain":"nck"}

Oh ... I see. I do have a tendancy to get carried away. Sometimes literally! Incoming hook ... stage right!!!!!

{"commentId":609030,"threadId":"88314","contentId":"633479","authorDomain":"nck"}
  • 2 votes
#5.1 - Tue Mar 27, 2007 9:53 AM EDT
Reply
{"commentId":616841,"authorDomain":"incredulous"}

Hey, I think your story really stinks i.e. I like it.

Tiny editorial comment?

those cheekbones were to die for, he thought.

Lose the "he thought". We're already in the guy's POV. I usually hate when I see he thoughts.

Cute story. I think it's due a touch of irony at some point. Jack takes a desk job, makes lotsa do re mi. Jill falls in love with a guy from the fish gutting factory (all they do is gut fish; the rest of the process is done elsewhere)

OR

there's a terrible accident at the scum pond, all the row boats are leaking, the pond is rising and Jill's family, living downhill, is threatened with putridinosis, a contagious disease that sort of grows on you, if you know what I mean. There's only one man who can save the day. That's right. But Jack is smitten by a girl with big boobs he met at Hooters, where he and Jill had first fallen in love over limburger cheese sandwiches. This thing is fraught with irony, I tell ya.

{"commentId":616841,"threadId":"88314","contentId":"633479","authorDomain":"incredulous"}
  • 1 vote
Reply#6 - Sun Apr 1, 2007 5:19 AM EDT
{"commentId":738322,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
limburger cheese sandwiches

I just lost my appetite.

{"commentId":738322,"threadId":"88314","contentId":"633479","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
    #6.1 - Sun May 27, 2007 8:22 PM EDT
    Reply
    {"commentId":617379,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

    those cheekbones were to die for, he thought.

    Lose the "he thought". We're already in the guy's POV. I usually hate when I see he thoughts.

    Excellent point. Thanks.

    And thanks for the compliment.

    If you like this story you'll probably also like my April Fool's Day story:

    {"commentId":617379,"threadId":"88314","contentId":"633479","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
    • 1 vote
    Reply#7 - Sun Apr 1, 2007 2:48 PM EDT
    {"commentId":1007846,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
    {"commentId":1007846,"threadId":"88314","contentId":"633479","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
      Reply#8 - Sat Sep 8, 2007 1:18 AM EDT
      {"commentId":1010291,"authorDomain":"aprilbd"}

      Very cute, I liked this.

      {"commentId":1010291,"threadId":"88314","contentId":"633479","authorDomain":"aprilbd"}
      • 1 vote
      Reply#9 - Sun Sep 9, 2007 10:52 AM EDT
      {"commentId":1011521,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

      Thanks. It didn't "stink"?

      {"commentId":1011521,"threadId":"88314","contentId":"633479","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
      • 1 vote
      Reply#10 - Sun Sep 9, 2007 10:51 PM EDT
      {"commentId":1449039,"authorDomain":"Andimia"}

      Back in high school my ecology class went on a field trip to the wastewater treatment plant in town. The smell there is so acrid that it hurts to breathe and burns your nose hairs. No scratch and sniff needed Scott, the memory is vivid enough.

      Great story, makes a statement about love, heartbreak and the lengths that people will go through to be with somebody.

      {"commentId":1449039,"threadId":"88314","contentId":"633479","authorDomain":"Andimia"}
      • 1 vote
      Reply#11 - Fri Feb 8, 2008 1:54 PM EST
      {"commentId":1449105,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}

      Thanks.
      And here I thought I was just writing a goofy story!
      :)

      {"commentId":1449105,"threadId":"88314","contentId":"633479","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
        #11.1 - Fri Feb 8, 2008 2:13 PM EST
        Reply
        {"commentId":1476545,"authorDomain":"Wheel"}

        Nice story. I hope he doesn't get the girl, I hope he gets her little sister, she's nicer and she doesn't have herpes like big sis. :)

        Guys who work at waste water treatment plants, coal fired power plants, recycling yards, etc. have some special needs.

        I worked with one guy who's wife put a plastic bag and a change of clothes, (sweats and slippers) in the foyer and insisted he change before coming in the house. We were doing a job at a power plant and coal dust is unbelievably invasive.

        I've done jobs at sewage treatment plants, animal byproducts plants, wool processing mills (a truly unbelievable and penetrating stench) but by far the stinkiest place I've ever been is the submarine after a long deployment. What I'm saying is, be glad there are men who can do stinky jobs. :)

        {"commentId":1476545,"threadId":"88314","contentId":"633479","authorDomain":"Wheel"}
        • 2 votes
        Reply#12 - Fri Feb 15, 2008 11:44 PM EST
        {"commentId":1477079,"authorDomain":"sbutki"}
        plants, wool processing mills (a truly unbelievable and penetrating stench) but by far the stinkiest place I've ever been is the submarine after a long deployment. What I'm saying is, be glad there are men who can do stinky jobs. :)

        I am.

        I did a temp job one day at a perfume company. I had to clean the place which was mostly involving sweeping and mopping. But then I had to clean the vat and long story short I fell in and was drenched in cheap perfume. I came home that nite and though it was 1 a.m. my parents woke up to see what kind of a weird-ass skunk came in smelling like that. By then I was in the shower.

        {"commentId":1477079,"threadId":"88314","contentId":"633479","authorDomain":"sbutki"}
          #12.1 - Sat Feb 16, 2008 8:17 AM EST
          Reply
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